What Is Metal Yoga, and Can Yoga Even Be Metal?

If you’re like I was, you probably think yoga is just about the most unmetal thing in the world. After all, years of social programming have taught you that wearing tights and bending over in front of a bunch of people is as humiliating and unmetal as it gets. Men don’t do yoga, right? Wrong!

A Brief History

The beginnings of yoga took root over 5,000 years ago in Northern India. Its first mentions appear in Sanskrit texts called “Vedas.” Later, yoga became intimately intertwined with both Buddhism and Hinduism. In both religions, practitioners sought to overcome the ego by focusing on poses and breathing techniques. Is destroying the ego metal? I think so.

In any case, It was only much later, when travelers returned to the west from abroad, that Europe and America caught on to what eastern philosophers had long known — that yoga is good for you.

The ancient art has historically been practiced by both men and women and is known to confer practitioners with an almost-absurd suite of health benefits. Today, people practice for many reasons — some purely for exercise, others for spiritual enlightenment. You may find, however, that it can become difficult to separate one from the other.

I Look Bad in Rayon and Hate Corny Music — What Do I Do?

If the fact that a modern studio culture has taken over an ancient practice seems weird to you, you aren’t alone. Even organizations that benefit from studio memberships are beginning to point out that something about hot white girls doing extreme yoga poses for Instagram feels a bit wrong. Like, perhaps, that taking Instagram selfies is the exact opposite of methodically separating oneself from one’s ego.

I’m disappointed in you.

So, what is the answer? Staying away from studios if you aren’t from Northern India? No, though there are surely many social justice people who would argue otherwise. If you asked an actual Indian Yogi, they would probably tell you that they want you to do yoga, but you should just do it in such a way that you aren’t being vain, greedy, or selfish.

If you want to get started but don’t agree with the existing culture, there are a couple of things you should realize:

You Don’t Have to Subject Yourself To Studio Fees and Culture

While it can be very difficult to get started without a knowledgeable instructor, you can get going on your own. There are plenty of youtube channels available for beginners, and these let you turn on background music as you please.

If you have at least a handful of friends, there’s a good chance one of them knows enough yoga to teach you the basics. This is all you really need to get started. But you should know that doing things on your own takes a lot of discipline. If you already know that you don’t have any, it’s best to take a class.

You Should Not Do Yoga To Meet Women

For a single guy, it can be tempting to take a class for the sole purpose of meeting women. Yes, classes are often packed with attractive women. Unfortunately, they are often on guard, and trying to chat one up after some intense stretching can ruin their experience and turn others against you. If you go into a class with pure intentions, you may well meet some, but tricking yourself into thinking you have pure intentions might not work either. The best course is to just do your own thing.

Rayon, Spandex, and Polyester Tights Are Not Necessary

Clothes made from these materials have nothing to do with the ancient art of moving meditation. In fact, they are often loaded with toxic substances that get into your skin and reduce your testosterone. Wear comfortable clothes, but not ones made of plastic.

Going in With High Expectations Is Always a Bad Idea

There are almost certainly thousands, if not millions of people who currently do not meditate because they expected something profound to happen the first time they sat down for ten minutes. As with anything worth doing, yoga does not result in immediate gratification. Though you may well feel a little relaxed after your first true hour, you may also feel nothing. This is perfectly fine.

Setting your expectations too high is one of the worst things you can do as a beginner. There’s a reason people use the word “practice” when talking about meditation — it’s a lifestyle, not a quick fix. The true benefits of posing and breathing come after months of regular practice.

Can You Listen to Metal While Doing Yoga?

The title of this article suggested that I would discuss metal yoga, and I’ve mostly discussed whether you should do yoga in the first place. While I do believe all of this was necessary, I won’t delay any further — you can absolutely listen to metal while doing yoga. You should be careful, however, what you listen to, as you may inadvertently stop yourself from reaching a hitherto unknown high.

In my experience, the best dark music to put on while stretching is doom metal, stoner metal, atmospheric black metal, and dark ambient. Since you most likely aren’t me, however, your opinion may differ.

There isn’t really a right or wrong choice. What’s important is that you have a strong positive association with the music. It can also be helpful to choose music with a tempo that works with your posing.

Should You Attend a Metal Yoga Class?

With the advent of metal-friendly hipsters, targeted classes are popping up all over. Brooklyn is already full of them, and other cities have begun to follow suit. The best way to know if you’ll enjoy taking one is to try it out. If the music works and the people don’t seem shifty or judgmental, keep going. If they do, practice at home instead or find another place.

As you get older, you realize that your health is all you have. If you do things right, the hangups you might have had about yoga start to fade away. There’s no better time than now to start, so don’t let others stop you from doing something you know is good for you.